Oh, mirror, mirror, I never know what you are going to say….
These past few weeks have been very convicting. Our bible study group has been studying the book of Romans, and the first 3 chapters have left me overwhelmed; both with remorse, and rejoice. I have had to reach into the pits of my soul to find the darkest of Kori’s secrets. And not really where I wanted to go, but, God.
So, let’s talk about that. And for those who are so inquired, I will say, I’m leaving out a lot of details. Mainly because, I will never post more than what is out of my comfort zone – BUT, I will say, it’s not pretty.
I chose to look in the mirror while answering some of the questions on our worksheet; challenging questions regarding what I may be “storing up” inside, and judgement towards others. Boy, was I ugly! I was ugly because of my sin, I was ugly because of my choices, my decisions, my hurt. I felt pathetic and disgusted. If you haven’t read Romans, I encourage you. It is humbling past humbling; Paul brings it! It’s real, and it ain’t easy to swallow. But, it’s who we are; we are sinful creatures. It’s a disease that is incurable while on earth. While looking, crying, and basting in my guilt & shame – I began to see something amazing. And this is where it gets fascinating and incredible! And why we MUST grief and weep in our sin. Something remarkable and something that I could never make up began to happen before my very eyes. The longer I looked, the more beautiful I became. And the less shame and guilt I felt. The more focused I became on my sin and it’s evilness, the more focused I became on my grace and God’s righteousness. I handed it over to Jesus. And the more transformed the image of myself became. I WAS BEAUTIFUL. Not because of my sin, or because of esthetics or genetics….I was beautiful because of The Cross. I was beautiful because of my Savior and His sacrifice.
I can’t express the exact emotions going through me at the time of those minutes that past, but it was another life changing moment for me. Grace. God gave me another taste of grace and it’s many levels. To appreciate what Jesus did for me – for us – we must feel ugly, pathetic, completely humbled and torn apart, disgusted and repulsed, or what He did was meaningless and unappreciated. That is my take on it anyway….
I tell these stories in hopes that it helps someone in similar situations. I tell these stories because we are all loved by God. He wants to help us. We seek something greater and meaningful, because, God.
You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7