Wrapped up in my physical body, my heart constantly, yet subtly, begs for attention. I rarely feel it is even there. Unless I’m feeling anxious or in overexertion, it’s at peace and in harmony with life. There are even moments it seems to be in a dull pain, both good and bad, depending on my emotion. And it literally beats to its own drum.
I look at Gods creation; whether it be the ocean, clouds, a hummingbird, or even a wild flower; and my heart starts reacting to awe. Almost as if it’s singing. What makes my heart almost leap when the wind brushes my cheek, or my dog start smiling at me? I’ve never noticed it in the past. It seems my heart is speaking, or communicating. But with what? It’s beautiful. Is my heart is communication with The Creator? Yes. And when I find joy and peace in creation itself, God is saying, “I love you, and all of this is for you.” “The breath you are breathing is Me.”
A few years ago, before I called myself “saved”, or “born again”, there was a time my heart physically hurt. It hurt bad. I went to see a heart doctor, only (thank God) to find out that I was having palpitations. It would beat fine for 7 beats, then pause and beat very hard for the next 2. It was consistent and it was at rest. But it worried me enough that I felt the need to get it checked. I’ve had panic attacks in the past, due to my own fault, so I was fearful something bigger was happening. The Dr gave me some breathing exercises, told me to drink plenty of water, and to continue my workout regimen. They finally subsided, and I rarely have any problems today. As a result, my emotions and anxiety during those years were a cause of my condition. My heart condition was a self-proclaimed absence of Jesus. And no one can tell me otherwise. It was not just coincidence or happenstance that my heart became perfect the very day I surrender to The Lord.
He sees my heart. He knows when I’m thankful and grateful for His many blessings. He knows when I’m not trusting His plan and worried about my future and my family. He knows when I’m weak and drifting from His truths. He knows when I’m not at peace and frustrated with the direction my life seems to be heading. He knows when I’m trying to make my own decisions when His are better; when my free-will doesn’t align with His will. He knows when I judge others, envious or coveting. He knows my heart. And He knows it better than I do.
It is a beautiful reminder that no matter what I have going on in my life, when I forget to pray, or when I’m not making a good choice, His grace and His sovereignty sees and knows my heart; a heart that is in love with Him.