This was a hard piece to write because it seems so contradicting. Or, at least I thought it was. So when reading it, please really try and understand the definition of biblical faith and not Webster’s.
Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. NIV
Most days, I consider myself a girl full of faith. I believe and do my best in relying on God to help me through storms and battles. But, the “what-ifs” and unknowns” can shatter that faith; quickly. Incredibly quickly! I’m left with fear, anxiety, and complete insecurity when I think of the things that could happen in my life, and to the lives of those I love.
One of my biggest battles is flying. I absolutely hate to fly. From the moment I step into an airport, I begin to stress. From checking in my baggage, going through security, making my way to my assigned seat…I struggle. From wheels up…turbulence…to wheels down. My biggest joy is when the seat belt sign turns off – for good! And did I mention turbulence??? It’s all a nightmare. And I feel incredibly alone in the process. Where is God?
I need more faith. That’s what I want. That’s what I crave and desire. Faith in the unknown and the unseen. That everything will work out for the good of those who love Him. And that the will of God will line up with mine. I want His will because I know it’s best; for Him and for me. I want to have faith that nothing bad will happen. That the internal storm will be rebuked the very moment it becomes turbulent. And the fear inside is washed away without any inclination it ever existed. I want unbreakable and unshakeable faith. I want faith that gives me peace, even if the storm is bigger and badder than I anticipated. I want faith that can power me and energize me even when I know the outcome isn’t what I consider ideal and perfect.
So, how does one get this kind of faith? How does a girl, like me, vulnerable and weak, overcome the weaknesses of fear? How do I control my obnoxious and beating chest and thoughts of a nosedive into the earth at 30,000 feet? How do I control earthly and spiritual protection over my sons and husband?
Well, I don’t. I can’t. God does. God gives faith, freely. It is a gift. And we must trust in His desires and His will to give it. Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Well, that’s because it is. But even though the free gift of faith seems simple enough, for me to accept it is anguishing. Accepting it takes trust in the One Who gives faith. Accepting faith actually takes doubt and fear. Really? Yes. If we didn’t have either, we wouldn’t need faith.
“There can be no faith without doubt.”
See, I need doubts and fears. We all do. We need the things that require faith. But, I’m not just full of fear and doubt in the unknown and unseen, I’m lacking trust! I’m not trusting God’s good. I’m not trusting God’s power and sovereignty. I’m distrusting in His abilities and character. It’s not my lack of God-given faith, it’s my lack of trust. When I’m untrusting in these things, fear seeps in and brews. It boils and overcomes. When I trust, the fears and doubts are settled and extinguished. My need for control, even over my inner self, is causing distrust in Him and more reliance on myself. I’m excluding Him in the process.
My doubts and fears should lead me to faith. Faith in knowing that the unknowns and the unseens are better than I could ever hope for. And in the end, it should always be well with my soul – no matter the outcome of the “what-ifs and the unknowns”.
I may not wake up tomorrow fully trusting God, and it may take time to get to the point where my soul is well with His plan. However, I CAN do this – continue to listen, seek, knock, and pray, for God’s grace and mercy. Because of it, I CAN do all things through Christ who loves me. Until then, if you see me on a plane, a hug is always appreciated. 🙂
Mark 4:40-41 – He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”