If you have to ask, then the answer will usually depend on the risk you’re willing to take. Should I wear this? Should I say something? Should I go?

I’ve never really been good at answering these, what seems, simple questions. When I was younger, and more “care-free”, I would do what I felt, and I wanted, no matter the result, or what others would say. It sometimes got me into big trouble.

There are so many ideas of what is right nowadays, have you noticed? And very few protecting what IS right. There are few that stand firm in their faith, and bold enough to share it with someone…anyone. There are few that will care enough about a loved one to say, “Hey, man, I love you enough to talk to you about this.” And no one wants to be offensive – because everyone is offended.

Even writing this, I know I might ruffle feathers, but I think it’s necessary to ruffle a few, because I do honestly care enough!

At the age of 19, I got pregnant. After finding out, I knew that I wasn’t ready to be a mother. Selfish, young, and healthy, I decided to end my pregnancy. It’s not easy for me to talk about, and very few even know my story. I’m walking the plank, and I’m not afraid to jump. There are very few days that go by that I don’t think about the decision I made. I have forgiven myself, although the pain of not knowing my child I premeditatedly had murdered has never completely healed. It is my thorn, if you will. It is what drives me to stand up for those who are helpless at the chance of a life. A soul that will never experience this beautiful creation God has given us. Creation that we don’t deserve, yet out of His love for us, He has given it to us so graciously, lovingly, and freely.

Before I began my journey walking with Jesus in the Summer of 2016, the abortion I chose to have really never crossed my mind. I felt no shame, no guilt, no pain…nothing. It wasn’t until my heart was miraculously changed that the almost unbearable aching in my heart began. Suddenly, I felt shame, guilt, and pain. I knew immediately what I had done – I had murdered my baby. A baby that, God willing, would have been healthy, and mine. I can’t change that decision. It’s done. It’s over.

It took 3 months for that pain to finally subside. It was the day I confessed. It was the day God’s amazing grace physically and spiritually washed over me. I wish someone would have stopped me. I wish the state of Oklahoma had laws against abortion. I wish people would have protested, made me feel guilty of what I was about to do, anything! I wish someone, somewhere, that had already made the same choice, would have said to me, “Kori, you will regret this.” Because I do, more than I can explain.

It’s been 27 years, and I would have a 26 year old daughter, or son. It wasn’t just a clump of cells. And maybe the heart wasn’t beating yet. And maybe the brain wasn’t developed. But, scientifically, the DNA was making my baby – and the soul of my child had already been chosen. God’s creation was growing inside my body. The body He chose, and the body I controlled.

I’m a mother of 3 children; 2 sons, and an “it” And I pray and have hope that I will get to meet “it” someday. It will be a glorious and blessed day!

When it comes to biblical understanding, if there seems to be no clear answer, and you’re left scratching your head in confusion, relying on your faith, and God’s wisdom, are sure ways to understanding. Your opinions, beliefs, and interpretations, are never good. Truth is Truth. And if that Truth doesn’t line up with your lifestyle, or with the lifestyles of others, then you’re probably quick to justify and question – “did God really say?”

I can tell you what He didn’t say, and that is everything other than what He actually did. He didn’t make it impossible to understand, and He definitely didn’t want us to read between the lines. He gives wisdom generously to those who ask for it. The major issues of today may not be in black and white, but they are very clear. If you have to ask, then seek your answer.

If you have had an abortion, contemplating an abortion, or know someone that is hurting because of their choice, I would love to help. I would be willing to pray for your situation. Please reach out to me, or anyone that you can trust. I’m encouraging you to find healing! There is healing in Jesus!

2 thoughts on “Should I?

  1. thank you so much for speaking about this, I too had an abortion when I was 20 its been 26 years and still I think about it a lot I have 2 daughters but I feel like a mother to more I lost two children through miscarriage before I had my daughters. I have 3 children I have never meant but will one day meet in heaven. this is a very hard subject to speak about but I believe we need to speak about it to save children & for healing of women who have had abortions its really hard to even speak about to this day I have only spoke about this a handful of times. love you Kori

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    1. Oh Angie, we must fight this battle! If you ever need to talk about this, please reach out to me. Satan wants us to shut up and feel guilty, but through Christ we can be bold, and forgiven!! I pray you feel His grace and forgiveness. ❤️❤️❤️❤️. Miss seeing you, and love you too!!

      Like

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