Most of the time I can describe my moods by simple words and phrases. “I’m okay.” “I’m doing well!” “I’m SO excited!” Or as an 80’s girl, “Totally awesome!” But then there are days where the words just cannot express my mood. Mainly because I don’t even know myself; they’re foggy. They’re uncertain and undetermined. “I’m stuck in a rut.”
Early this morning, at 4am, I wake up and get a crystal clear vision of the “rut” I’ve been in lately. And the irony is almost laughable.
And here it is. A sheep in the fog.
Black and white. Looking one specific direction, but really not knowing which direction to focus and walk. Standing firm, ready to run if needed, healthy, provided for, and alone. But there is one thing this picture doesn’t show – a lack of patience.
Yes, crystal clear fog. Ha!
Basically, I am an impatient sheep, waiting for my Shepherd, in a familiar field, willing and ready to go.
(I am also, loved by many! Who give me godly advice, full of wisdom and knowledge. Who want the best for me, who want to see me succeed and do well. Those who are in the “rut” with me, holding my hand, giving me sound advice, and encouraging me along the way. I thank God for these people. And I thank God for a husband who loves and supports me in all things.)
But in the fog, I hear unfamiliar voices; mostly screaming ones. They’re coming from my south, my east, my west, and from my north. All around me I hear voices. “Do this…do that…this will make you happy…this is God’s will…this is what you’re supposed to do.” So much advice swimming around in my head. Thoughts and ideas being shot at me by nobody really, but myself. And not one gives clarity. No, I’m not insane, these voices are only my mind tossing around selfish ideas and goals. Although some seem good, I’m not 100% they are God’s plan for me.
Do you ever feel like this sheep?
As a soon-to-be-empty-nester, I am entering a time of my life that offers more than I’ve had in over 20 years. I have opportunities knocking. I could go back to school, travel, or serve in ways I’ve never served before. I could be involved in important issues, and be an advocate for the weak. I could help young women, children, or the elderly. I’m at a disposal of tremendous opportunity! Yet, it scares me. Why? Because driving out, and deciphering all my internal voices that continue to distract me, is incredibly difficult. What if I were to choose the wrong path? It’s frustrating and confusing. I want so badly to hear the whisper of God. I want to pick up a divine map and know exactly which direction I am to walk.
But yet, I stand. I wait. And every voice I hear, I file it away for later review. “This is not the way He said to go.” And if there is anything certain in the unknown, it is this: God will direct my steps. Stay focused on His voice. And if I don’t hear it, wait until I do. That is the beauty of time; God is always at the end of it.
Waiting seasons are never easy for anyone. It is a time of great faith and growth. It is not a time for fear. He will never leave us, and never forsake us. He is faithful, loving, kind, and compassionate. His ways are always good. He is all-wise, all-knowing, and all-powerful. And He is all we need.
In seasons of wait, wait.